Caring for Others Begins With YOU

Do you feel like you’re always trying to hurry, rush, and take care of everyone and everything?  Several months ago, I had a realization, one that I think I had been searching for a long time. It was one of those ah-ha moments that you don’t expect. 

The previous day after a long busy weekend of activities, sick kids, and cleaning the house I said to my husband, “Ugh I am not looking forward to tomorrow and the return back to the mayhem of work.”  He asked me straight out if I didn’t really love being an Ob/Gyn.

That really made me pause and ask myself, “Is it Ob/Gyn I don’t like or is it the way I am practicing?”

For several days I barely had time to finish dinner let alone contemplate the question with a sick nanny,  two patients in labor, and a full clinic. Not to mention the unexpected patient that was pulling at my husband’s time. 

As usual, I became frustrated, closed down but had to remain calm as I did not want to lose it at my husband. This is a recurrent theme: he truly enjoys the chaos of Ob/Gyn and although historically I have: I wear several hats now.

Not only do I do majority of the house hold chores: cooking, cleaning, organizing the children’s activities and our life in essence, I work as a full time ob/gyn mom. That means I have clinic, and labor and surgeries. How can I stay present for all these things without burning out or getting frustrated? 

I realized, that the chaos may all be too much for me, and I cannot BALANCE all of these things without being frustrated and burnt out. My husband will continue to work at the pace he is, and although he is a wonderful father and present in so many ways, he knows if he has a last minute surgery or patient emergency, he will have someone to ‘pick up the slack.’ I have now realized, that I do not have this. If i am not present and he is ‘unavailable’ I need to figure out how to put he rest of the pieces together. It is this trigger that I now realize is one of the greatest areas of stress for me.

How can I give 100% focus to my patients and practice, but also be a mother, wife and organizer? I think, at least now: that something has got to give. 

I do love being an ob/gyn, I love my patients and the facets of my job. But it is a very different story when you are married to an ob/gyn. You realize, that only one of you can wear the hat as the full-time ob/gyn that thrives on chaos and the other one HAS to step back in order to maintain the family unit, and their own sanity. 

We cannot appreciate others until we show appreciation for ourselves.

When we take time to evaluate our own needs: for self care, mental and physical health, we are able to recognize the needs in others.

We are not meant to be everything for everyone, while compromising our own health and happiness. 

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